HCRJ Bulletin Article - Houston Congregation for Reform Judaism

September 4, 2019

Dear Friends,

Sunday was the first day of the Hebrew month of Elul. While this day may have come and gone with little recognition for its Jewish significance, the first day of Elul marks the beginning of a 40 day journey to our Day of Atonement – Yom Kippur.

This 40 day process parallels many of the important events in our lives and our heritage which also involve the span of 40 days, 40 weeks or 40 years. Consider some of the following:

40 days of the flood in the story of Noah
40 days of waiting while Moses was receiving Torah
40 years of wandering after our Exodus from Egypt
40 weeks of pregnancy

In each of these circumstances, the number 40 plays a major role in the human transition from chaos to renewal. In the story of Noah, the world finds renewal after 40 days of the great flood. When Moses receives the Torah, the Israelite wait 40 days to receive a set of laws that would forever shape the Jewish experience. During the 40 years of wandering, our people found renewal as before they entered the Promised Land. In the case of childbirth, 40 weeks of gestation results in the promise of new hopes and dreams, as renewal is the gift that is realized with every new life.

So too it is regarding this sacred 40 day journey from the first of Elul until the end Yom Kippur. For the next 40 days, our faith presents us a spiritual period of gestation and inner wandering. During these 40 days we are supposed to consider how we might create closure to issues which have plagued us all year long and set out a pathway toward personal renewal for the New Year to come.

As each of us begins this process of introspection and reflection, may we all be blessed with the insight to understand the impact of our actions in the world around us so that this 40 day period of transition might lead us to find a sense of rebirth within ourselves and the relationships we cherish.

L’Shalom,
Steve

Kosher Sex

In the Sheva Berachot, the seven traditional blessings recited at every Jewish wedding, our tradition elevates the importance of two aspects of marital connectedness. The first of these sacred connections is re’im (friends). The second kind of connection is ahuvim (lovers). A couple’s ability to nurture both of these sacred relationships is essential in maintaining a healthy marriage.

As couples step away from the chuppah on their wedding day, these seven blessings are intended to launch them into a new life with shared hopes and dreams, where passion and friendship form the foundation of a long and healthy marriage. From that point forth, it is up to each member of the couple to nurture both aspects of marital love.

For newlyweds, this task is an easy one. The early years of marriage are usually filled with a sense of shared excitement, joy and adventure. Yet, as time goes on, it is not uncommon for couples to experience an ebb to the excitement and passion which brought them together in the first place.

As couples age, the “friendship/companionship” aspects of a marriage may continue to flourish, but the “lovers” aspect of the relationship can often wither. Left unattended, time can become corrosive to the shared, passionate excitement that is central to the “ahuvim” aspects of marital love. The monotony of daily existence and the pressures of life often compromise the erotic chemistry once shared in the early years of romance leaving one or both members of the couple unfulfilled, resentful and longing for more.

This decline in physical and emotional intimacy may have many causes, but the result is always the same – marital distress. Roughly, 30% to 60% of all married individuals will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage, and the most common reasons identified for infidelity has to do with dissatisfactions in sex and/or emotional intimacy. Additionally, the rate of sexless marriages has been estimated to be 15-20%. These statistics are the result of variety of factors, many of which involve emotional and/or physical dysfunction.

Part of our challenge as a society in general and as a Jewish community, in particular, is that we do not know how to talk about sex, and we do not know how to nurture the sexual aspects of our relationships over the course of marriage.

In an effort to improve marital communications around sex and intimacy and a desire to rekindle the chemistry of romance, Houston Congregation for Reform Judaism will be offering four workshops on ways to keep marriage sexy. These workshops have been generously underwritten by funding from the Twenty-First Century Fund of the Houston Jewish Community Foundation.

The workshops will be led by Rabbi Gross, Dr. Bradley Frank, PhD and Beth Liebling, the owner of Darling Way, an adult store nestled in The Heights that strives to promote love, bolster confidence and nurture romance and intimacy. The goal of these workshops is to give people the information they need, the encouragement they deserve and the inspiration necessary to maintain a healthy, strong, passionate connection together throughout their lives. The first three workshops will be taking place on October 17, November 7 and December 5, so save the dates on your calendar.

August 28, 2019

Dear Friends,

Labor Day is a national holiday held every year on the first Monday in September. For most of us, this holiday is observed as a day for shopping or simple leisure. For others, it is the last day of summer and a final opportunity to wear seersucker suits and white shoes. In general, Labor Day is one of those holidays we all enjoy but know nothing about. So – what exactly are we celebrating?

Labor Day was founded in the late 1800s for two basic reasons. It was a way to unify workers, and it was part of a movement to improve conditions for the workforce. At the height of the Industrial Revolution in the United States, the average American worked 12-hour days, seven-days a week. With time, unions began to organize to combat these terrible work environments and negotiate better hours and better wages.

Against this backdrop, Labor Day was introduced to pay tribute to the contributions and achievements of American workers. In 1894, Labor Day became a federal holiday, and all workers enjoyed an additional day of rest and leisure.

As Jews, we have had a Labor Day of our own (Shabbat) that dates back to the Days of Creation. Our day of rest is a weekly occurrence. It affords us time to share the joys that come from our labor with family and community. So, with the coming of Labor Day this weekend, please rejoice in your extra day of rest! You deserve it!

L’Shalom,
Steve

August 21, 2019

Dear Friends,

On this Sabbath – in congregations all over the world – we read that – Moses addresses the community with the following words:

Circumcise the foreskin of your heart – and stiffen your necks no more. (Deut. 10:16)

This image of a circumcised heart is echoed again by the Prophet Jeremiah, who (when addressing the corruption of his times and the absence of morality throughout the society in which he lived) uses very similar words. Jeremiah tells the people of his day to:

Circumcise your hearts to the Lord. Cut away the thickening about your hearts … lest [God’s] anger break forth like fire and burn, with none to quench it, because of your wicked acts. (Jeremiah 4:1-4)

In each of these passages, Moses and Jeremiah are clearly calling for the people to change their ways, but what exactly does this reference to a circumcised heart mean?

One clue might be gleaned from the idea that the ancient societies understood the heart to be the organ of comprehension. In contrast to our modern notion that the heart is the seat of emotions – our ancestors understood the heart to be the seat of wisdom and thought. Therefore, an uncircumcised heart might better be translated as a “closed mind” or “close-mindedness.”

In light of this understanding, the call of our prophets to “circumcise the foreskin of our hearts” is as important to us today as it ever was in the past. As we strive to heed this ancient call, we need to make a concerted effort to listen to each other more, open our minds and be unified toward goodness, truth and righteousness.

L’Shalom,
Steve

August 14, 2019

Dear Friends,

In our Torah portion this week, we read the Shema, the quintessential expression of the Jewish faith in God. This year, this portion has an added level of meaning as it falls on the heels of Tisha B’Av (the 9^th day of the Hebrew month of Av), which was observed this past Sunday. According to our tradition – it was on the 9^th of Av that both the First and Second Temples were destroyed, and in remembrance of these catastrophes, many Jews fast and mourn for twenty-four hours.

It is traditional to read from the book of Lamentations, a scroll bewails the destruction of the First Temple and the exile of the Jews from Jerusalem. Embedded in the words of this scroll are sentiments of abandonment and fear, as our ancestors believed that the destruction of the Temple was an indication that God had turned away and left Israel to suffer the perils of history.

The themes of Tisha B’Av and the pain-filled cries found throughout the Scroll of Lamentations speak to us today. Certainly, all of us have been through our share of emotional pain and loss. Certainly, we have experienced moments when our hearts seem to cry out: “God where are you when I really need you.”

At such moments, our connection with God can feel very distant. At such moments, it can feel as though our God has turned away. At such moments, it can be comforting to pray a familiar prayer of reminder – and that prayer is the Shema.

At times of pain and loss, the hallowed words of the Shema would seem to be more important than any single phrase one could utter. If in good times, we can faithfully declare that God’s relationship with us is eternal, would it not be logical to conclude that, when God feels far away, our hearts need reminding?

When we recite the Shema (in good times and in bad), we open our minds and our hearts to feel a connection to attributes we pray are there for us to behold. When we recite the Shema, we express an age-old hope that our relationship with God is, indeed, everlasting.

L’Shalom,

Steve

August 7, 2019

Dear Friends,

This past weekend, I had the privilege of joining an amazing group of teens from the Holy Land (the preferred term used by the participants of Peace Camp). These remarkable campers work on building bridges toward peace, and at the core of their work together is a mutual recognition and respect that the Land of Israel is holy to Jews, Christians and Muslims alike.

During my brief time at this camp, which is run by Jerusalem Peacebuilders, I was inspired, encouraged and humbled as these brave souls commit themselves to learning from each other and refuse to allow hatred and violence squelch their hopes for peace. The image above of the three faiths working together was a collective project created by these gifted teens. This image speaks to the work that they do and the hopes that they share in their hearts.

These campers will be joining us this Friday night for Shabbat Services. They will share their experiences and maybe even sing a song for us. Bring friends to services to spread a message of hope and learn about this groundbreaking camp and how it strives to build bridges of peace by planting seeds of trust and understanding in the next generation of leadership.

L’Shalom,
Steve

Models for Civility in an Age of Controversy

Dear Friends,

In today’s ever-more-polarized world, there seems to be a decline in civility. The norms which dictate decent behavior seem to be eroding, as our interactions have become angrier, uglier and more vulgar. We make assumptions based on superficialities; we engage others with a diminished sense of trust and respect; we frequently jump to conclusions based on how people look, what they believe, how they vote and who they love.

In the marketplace of ideas, our engagement with each other has become a fragile, hyper-sensitized battlefield. We rarely listen to each other anymore, and when we do, we do so to find holes in the arguments of the other. A nuanced art of dialogue has given way to knee-jerk defensiveness, as a desire to find common ground and compromise has been replaced with viewing opposing opinions as an adversary that needs to be defeated. It has become almost impossible to have a reasonable conversation on any given topic of concern without having to brace ourselves for reactivity. Healthcare, public education, guns, taxes, national security are real issues which deserve discussion and debate, but instead, these topics quickly erode into vulgar, disrespectful diatribes from all sides.

The truth is that at the heart of the democratic process is civil engagement. Civility is the bridge to a place where common ground can be established, and the Jewish New Year provides us with an opportunity to consider better ways to engage those with whom we may disagree.

There is a famous parable about the ongoing disputes between the house of Hillel and the House of Shamai. According to the Talmud, God ultimately sides with Hillel on all matters of the law. This is because the House of Hillel (unlike the house of Shamai) always cited the rulings of both sides of every dispute. Hillel’s rulings always gave credence to Shamai’s view, demonstrating humility and legitimizing the value of the perspectives of others.

As our nation prepares for heated debates among presidential hopefuls in the months to come, and as we engage each other on controversial topics at large, we need to strive to be more like Hillel. Instead of digging in our heals, insisting we are right, we need to open our minds to alternative ways of seeing and understanding. Instead of listening for holes in arguments, we need to listen attentively to the narrative of others with curiosity and interest. We need to seek common ground (even when we know we don’t agree), and we need to find ways of continuing a conversation with reason and respect.

July 31, 2019

Dear Friends,

Since the earliest of times, Judaism has considered the cycles of the moon as a sacred indicator of time. For our ancestors, the lunar cycle was the primary instrument for the calculation of the seasons. They watched the heavens with great care to find guidance for their lives, identify the months of the year and determined the set times for festivals and ritual observances.

With the dawn of each New Moon, indicated by the first sliver of light witnessed after the waning of the moon’s prior cycle, our ancestors would declare the beginning of a new month. The first day of each month was called Rosh Chodesh.

This Friday night happens to be Rosh Chodesh Av (the first day of the Hebrew month of Av). It also happens to be National Ice Cream Sandwich Day!

Join us for a very special Family Shabbat as we welcome Av with ice cream sandwiches at the oneg following services. There may be no sweeter way to celebrate Shabbat and the new moon!

L’Shalom,
Steve

July 24, 2019

Dear Friends,

We live in a world where dreadful actions are constantly being perpetrated and justified in the name of religion. This global phenomenon has no boundaries and is not relegated to any single faith. Zealots are zealots, and their destructive and narrow-minded, hate-filled actions have been in existence throughout human history.

In this week’s Torah portion, we read about such an incident. In our narrative found in the Book of Numbers, we read the story of Pinchas, whose murderous actions frame the way our faith treats religious fanaticism.

The narrative of this story begins with God’s wrath. God is angry with the People of Israel for worshiping false idols, which results in the outbreak of a plague. In an attempt to placate the situation, Pinchas impales a couple while they are in bed together. This zealous act quiets God’s rage, and the plague is lifted. This act of violence is then followed by the most puzzling aspect of the entire story, God offers Pinchas a brit shalom – a covenant of peace.

It is here, woven into the actual calligraphy of the Torah, that we find the earliest cautionary lessons against religious fanaticism. For in the world shalom (in this covenant of peace following Pinchas’ murderous actions), we find the only letter in the entire Torah which is intentionally written in a broken and incomplete way.

The custom the Broken Vav dates back to the original Masoretic text, and throughout our history the phenomenon of the Broken Vav has served to teach us that any peace that is attained through acts of religiously based violence is considered incomplete and broken.

Join us this Friday night to take an up-close look at the Broken Vav and other textual anomalies found in the Torah.

L’Shalom,
Steve

July 17, 2019

Dear Melissa,

Over the course of the past decades, our national conversations around politics have become toxic. We cannot discuss anything of significance without becoming crippled by hostility and frustration. In our hyper-polarized society, we need to find a way to be civil and respectful with those who may not share our opinions.

In our Torah portion this week, we have a model for such restraint.

In this week’s portion, a non-Jewish prophet named Balaam is hired by the King of the Moabites to curse the Israelites. In his heart, Balaam knows that placing a curse on the Israelites is wrong. So Balaam challenges King Balak with the following question, “How can I curse those whom God has not cursed?”

Perhaps this should be a mantra for all Americans in the coming months. As we gear up for another election cycle, it is inevitable that we will find ourselves in conversations which will turn political without notice, and more often than not our political arguments are driven by emotions rather than reason.

Whatever the case may be, we need to find ways to remain civil. We need to remind ourselves that everyone is entitled to an opinion. We need to take our cue from Balaam in our Torah portion by watching what we say and reminding ourselves that God is the ultimate judge of truth.

L’Shalom,
Steve

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